Monday, March 26, 2012

Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here

I've moved the blog, left Blogger. Please follow me (or not, up to you) here: dickbarsky.wordpress.com

I'll be slowly dismantling this place.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

solitaire

when a child i never knew the questions to ask
as i grew from barely there toward dreams
the questions came scatter shot
across anyone and anything


the answers elusive have always strayed
yet, i beg and plead for a guiding star
but the clouds of adolescence hang heavy
dark, coal grey and stubborn


i fight myself to move on
to know myself
to know my desires
to steer my destiny


yet the currents are deep
their strength gathered
by the ignorance that surrounds me
and i can not break free


so the questions remain
who?
not am i
for i am me


rather the who of history
and futures yet to come
who to you
who to me


why?
why the who
not the why of me
for i exist for no apparent reason


motivations reactions
to external stimuli
nothing but a fly’s eye
light and shape, shadow and direction


through enlightenment
can i reach buddha?
can i answer that Catepillar?
would Charles accept my answer?


are we nothing more than Alices
forever drugged
and drowned
in dreams of Hearts and Groundhogs


why and who
when always takes care of itself
too soon and too late
the schedule of perpetuity


free will seems a sin
when the waves of life
lift and move you forward
decisions are truly yours


only in the dreams
of the strong and delusional
the weak forever pawns
to the Universal threads


react to actions
never our own
these philosophical pursuits
a distracting game


the never ending game
of solitaire, politics and religion
what is the reason
what is the purpose


that is the pursuit
that we’ve been following
for the whole of history
the illusion the tunnel’s end

when you

when you left did you know
that you were leaving?
was that always your plan,
to uplift and shine
and when the deed was done
to quietly slip away
to find renewal in another life?


did you want to go
or were you a helpless pawn
in the plans of gods and demons
angels and man?
dragged away
lead away
taken by the hand
and forced to go?


when you knew the end was near
all those years ago
did you ever think to include me
lay bare your plans
let me see the golden path
you saw before your eyes


you built a cube
to cushion your soul
the walls we made
the life we made
bookends to a too short novel
and now we flow the force of tides
moving us forward against our wills


but you look on down
you shine on down
behind my eyes you’re always
what i see before me
as i walk these unfamiliar steps
the broken brick covered with the ash
of your leaving
it stings my eyes
but the tears have never come


except that once
and now it is the small things
that i can never defend against
when you left my wells ran dry
and the dews of days will never refill
a soul that finds itself untethered
unhinged, unsure
certain only of dry dust and desert sands
the fairies and nymphs hold no more


the wonder of youth died with you
the confusion of being nowhere
has overtaken, a grip solid and dear
a devil of deep demons and goblins
inhabiting the deepest corners of light
when you left did you know
that you were leaving?
was that always your plan,
to uplift and shine
and when the deed was done
to quietly slip away
to find renewal in another life?